Just cropdusted the office
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
