and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
