you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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