Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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