I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
