I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
