Michael Bay diarrhea
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh god it's open bar.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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