im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
