I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
