Betty ford says i'm here all night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
