I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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