can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
