So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
