The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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