I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
