i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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