pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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