I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
