I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
