I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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