Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
