I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
