I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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