Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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