don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize