I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
