At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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