and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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