Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
