Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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