I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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