I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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