also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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