he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
