I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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