Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
