He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
