So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
