You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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