I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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