I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
