I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
