i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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