you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
