i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
