I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize