What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
