Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
