Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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