Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
