There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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