i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
