so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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