I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
