We're facebook friends in real life
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
