Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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