i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
