He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
