due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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