the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
