so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
