She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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