I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
