is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
