i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
