Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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