He told me they were just razor bumps!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
