a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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