wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
