Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize