i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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